Domestic abuse
On this page:
- What is domestic abuse?
- I need help (or know someone who needs help)
- Local support available
- National support available
- Clare's Law
What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse can be defined as 'any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality'.
Family members are defined as mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister and grandparents, whether directly related, in-laws or step-family.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of their age, background, gender, religion, sexuality, or ethnicity.
Domestic abuse can be:
- Controlling or coercive behaviour: Controlling behaviour that's designed to make you dependent, by isolating you from your friends, family, or any support network. It can include exploitation and regulation of your behaviour - by harm, punishment, intimidation, threats or humiliation
- Psychological and/or emotional abuse: This includes name-calling, threats and manipulation, blaming you for the abuse or 'gaslighting' you; making you believe it's all your fault and that you are responsible for their behaviour
- Financial and economical abuse: The control of money by limiting your access to your money and bank accounts, controlling how you spend money and what you buy. The perpetrator may also run up debts in your name
- Physical abuse: This can include slapping, punching, kicking, and pulling hair. The perpetrator might restrain you, or throw objects - they may pinch or shove you, and then claim it was a 'joke'. Physical abuse can escalate to strangling
- Sexual abuse: You should never be coerced to do anything that you don't want to do. Consent should always be given with any kind of sexual activity
- Online/digital/tech abuse: The perpetrator might demand access to your devices, track you with spyware or location software without your permission, send you abusive messages, or share images of you online
- Harassment/stalking: This is a pattern of obsessive, persistent, unwanted attention that makes you feel scared, anxious, harassed, or unsafe
Domestic abuse can affect anyone and it is rarely an isolated event.
Abuse doesn't have to be physical and can include a range of behaviours. It may involve a process of isolating you from family and friends. There are likely to be unwritten rules which, if broken, can result in consequences and this will create a sense of fear which is how the power and control is maintained.
I need help (or know someone who needs help)
If you are in a violent or abusive relationship (or you are supporting someone who is in one), never suffer in silence. Help is available.
There are services that can help you better understand what is happening to you. They'll be able to:
- offer advice about how you can stay safe
- provide you with practical support
- help you to work through any decisions that you want to make
It is important to know that you are not alone.
If you are escaping domestic abuse, you might want to leave your home (even temporarily), or you may want your partner to leave your home. In these circumstances, we can help you to avoid homelessness. Please visit our Domestic abuse - housing advice (Advice Aid) webpage to learn more, and to contact us for this support.
We have our own Domestic Abuse Link Worker, who supports individuals and families that are homeless, or at risk of homelessness, due to domestic abuse. You will be offered a referral to this dedicated resource, once you have accessed our housing advice.
Only leave your situation when it is safe to do so. Leaving is a process, and the time following a separation is where you and your children are most at risk. If you are thinking about leaving, it is important that you have a plan - and support around you - so that you can keep yourself safe.
Talk to someone about what is going on, and consider getting support from a specialist agency who can advise you on leaving safely, and staying safe post-separation.
Local support available
- The Suffolk Domestic Abuse Helpline is a freephone number that answers calls 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Phone 0808 977 5690
- The Anglia Care Trust (ACT) Domestic Abuse Outreach Service provides a range of services for victims, and their families, friends, and colleagues
- Compassion is a charity that supports all victims of domestic abuse (both current and historic). They provide a range of support services over the phone, online, and face-to-face
- Leeway is a charity that supports victims of domestic abuse. Call their domestic abuse helpline on 0300 561 0077
- Restore Women's Aid Centre offers support to any victim of domestic abuse in West or Mid Suffolk. Phone 0330 551 9495
- Norfolk & Suffolk Victim Care provide free, confidential advice to anyone who has been affected by crime. Phone 0300 303 3706
- Iceni offers the Venta programme, which helps men who exhibit harmful behaviour within intimate relationships
In an emergency, phone the police by dialling 999. They will respond, investigate, and assist you. If talking on the phone - or making an immediate sound - would put you in danger and you need immediate help, call 999 and stay on the line, then press 55 when prompted. Your call will be transferred to the police, who will know that your call is an emergency. For non-emergencies, call 101 or visit Suffolk Constabulary's website.
Suffolk County Council have also published information about Domestic abuse and sexual violence.
National support available
- Refuge operates the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, which answers calls 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Phone 0808 2000 247
- The National Centre for Domestic Violence provides emergency legal protection to people at risk of all forms of domestic abuse. Phone 0800 970 2070, text NCDV to 60777, email office@ncdv.org.uk
- The ManKind Initiative offers help and advice for men who are in abusive relationships, and male victims of domestic abuse. Phone 01823 334244, Monday to Friday, 10am-4pm
- Respect operates the Men's Advice Line. Phone 0808 801 0327, Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm
- Victim Support provides free, independent and confidential advice to victims of crime. Phone 0808 1689 111
Clare’s Law
People with concerns about their partner’s history are able to request background information from Suffolk police.
The aim of this scheme is to give you a formal mechanism to make inquiries about your partner if you are worried that they may have been abusive in the past.